Carpe jugulum by Terry Pratchett

Alternative Titles

Carpe jugulum: a novel of Discworld

Summary

It is rare and splendid event when an author is elevated from the underground into the international literary establishment. In the case of England's best-known and best-loved modern satirist, that event has been long overdue. Terry Pratchett's profoundly irreverent Discworld novels satirize and celebrate every aspect of life, modern and ancient, sacred and profane. Consistent number-one bestsellers in England, they have garnered him a secure position in the pantheon of humor along with Mark Twain, Douglas Adams, Matt Groening, and Jonathan Swift. Even so distinguished an author as A. S. Byatt has sung his praises, calling Pratchett's intricate and delightful fictional Discworld "more complicated and satisfying than Oz." His latest satiric triumph, Carpe Jugulum, involves an exclusive royal snafu that leads to comic mayhem. In a fit of enlightenment democracy and ebullient goodwill, King Verence invites Uberwald's undead, the Magpyrs, into Lancre to celebrate the birth of his daughter. But once ensconced within the castle, these wine-drinking, garlic-eating, sun-loving modern vampires have no intention of leaving. Ever. Only an uneasy alliance between a nervous young priest and the argumentative local witches can save the country from being taken over by people with a cultivated bloodlust and bad taste in silk waistcoats. For them, there's only one way to fight. Go for the throat, or as the vampyres themselves say...Carpe Jugulum

Characters

Name

Esmerelda "Granny" Weatherwax

Gender

Female

Attributes

Witch

Name

Gytha "Nanny" Ogg

Gender

Female

Attributes

Witch

Name

Magrat Garlick

Gender

Female

Attributes	Witch
	Mother

Mother of a new daughter with King Verence

Name

Agnes Nitt/Perdita

Gender

Female

Attributes

Witch

Name

Mightily Oats

Gender

Male

Occupation

Priest

Attributes

Nervous; self-doubting; having a crisis of faith

Name

Verence II, King of Lancre

Gender

Male

Attributes

Father

Father of Magrat's child

Genre

	Fantasy     --Humorous
	Satire     --Social     --Political
	Fiction

Topics

Vampires

Goth culture

Political intrigue

Self-esteem

Crisis of faith

Setting

Discworld

Kingdom of Lancre

Flat world supported by four elephants on the back of a giant turtle

It is rare and splendid event when an author is elevated from the underground into the international literary establishment. In the case of England's best-known and best-loved modern satirist, that event has been long overdue. Terry Pratchett's profoundly irreverent Discworld novels satirize and celebrate every aspect of life, modern and ancient, sacred and profane. Consistent number-one bestsellers in England, they have garnered him a secure position in the pantheon of humor along with Mark Twain, Douglas Adams, Matt Groening, and Jonathan Swift. Even so distinguished an author as A. S. Byatt has sung his praises, calling Pratchett's intricate and delightful fictional Discworld "more complicated and satisfying than Oz." His latest satiric triumph, Carpe Jugulum, involves an exclusive royal snafu that leads to comic mayhem. In a fit of enlightenment democracy and ebullient goodwill, King Verence invites Uberwald's undead, the Magpyrs, into Lancre to celebrate the birth of his daughter. But once ensconced within the castle, these wine-drinking, garlic-eating, sun-loving modern vampires have no intention of leaving. Ever. Only an uneasy alliance between a nervous young priest and the argumentative local witches can save the country from being taken over by people with a cultivated bloodlust and bad taste in silk waistcoats. For them, there's only one way to fight. Go for the throat, or as the vampyres themselves say...Carpe Jugulum

Terry Pratchett was born April 28, 1948 in Beaconsfield, Bucks County. In 1959, he attended High Wycombe Technical High School rather than the local school because he felt 'woodwork would be more fun than Latin.' His short story "The Hades Business" was published in the school magazine when he was thirteen, and commercially when he was fifteen. Having got five O-levels and started A-level courses in Art, History and English, he decided after the first year to try journalism. But then a job opportunity presented itself with the Bucks Free Press, and Pratchett left school in 1965. While with the Press he took the National Council for the Training of Journalists proficiency class and also passed an A level in English while on day release. Pratchett had written a book called "The Carpet People" which was published in 1971. "The Carpet People" was followed by "The Dark Side of the Sun" in 1976 and "Strata" in 1981. He left the Bucks Free Press and started work for the Western Daily Press on September 28, 1970, he returned to the Press in 1972 as a sub-editor, and on September 3, 1973 joined the Bath Chronicle. At this time, he had also produced a series of cartoons for the monthly journal, Psychic Researcher, describing the goings-on at the government's fictional paranormal research establishment, 'Warlock Hall'. In 1980 Pratchett was appointed publicity officer for the Central Electricity Generating Board with responsibility for three nuclear power stations, where he was working when the first of the Discworld novels "The Colour of Magic," was published, in 1983. Pratchett's paperback publisher at the time was New English Library, who had published "The Dark Side of the Sun and Sourcery." "The Light Fantastic" was published in 1986, and Pratchett decided that he had to move to a major publishing house. He chose Gollancz, and they considered taking Pratchett onto their SF list, although they had never published fantasy before, only traditional SF, and struck a co-publishing deal for three titles, "Equal Rites", "Mort" and "Sourcery." In September 1987, soon after he had finished writing "Mort," Pratchett decided that he could afford to devote himself to full-time writing. His books for young readers, Truckers, the first volume of what is known in the USA as the Bromeliad Trilogy, was a landmark publication, becoming the first children's book to appear in the British adult paperback fiction best-seller lists. It was followed by "Diggers," "Wings," the revised version of "The Carpet People," and all three Johnny Maxwell books. Pratchett has also written a number of short stories, three of which have Discworld themes. He was appointed as an Officer of the Order of the British Empire in the Queen's 1998 Birthday Honours List in June, 'for services to literature'. In July 1999 he received an honorary Doctorate of Literature (D.Litt.) from the University of Warwick and granted doctorates of the Unseen University to Ian Stewart and Jack Cohen, co-authors of "The Science of Discworld," which had been published the previous month, and in 2001, one from the University of Portsmouth. His title Dodger made The New York Times Best Seller List for 2012. (Bowker Author Biography)

Carpe Jugulum Chapter One Through the shredded black clouds a fire moved like a dying star, falling back to earth-- --the earth, that is, of the Discworld-- --but unlike any star had ever done before, it sometimes managed to steer its fall, sometimes rising, sometimes twisting, but inevitably heading down. Snow glowed briefly on the mountain slopes when it crackled overhead. Under it, the land itself started to fall away. The fire was reflected off walls of blue ice as the light dropped into the beginnings of a canyon and thundered now through its twists and turns. The light snapped off. Something still glided down the moonlit ribbon between the rocks. It shot out of the canyon at the top of a cliff, where meltwater from a glacier plunged down into a distant pool. Against all reason there was a valley here, or a network of valleys, clinging to the edge of the mountains before the long fall to the plains. A small lake gleamed in the warmer air. There were forests. There were tiny fields, like a patchwork quilt thrown across the rocks. The wind had died. The air was warmer. The shadow began to circle. Far below, unheeded and unheeding, something else was entering this little handful of valleys. It was hard to see exactly what it was; furze rippled, heather rustled, as if a very large army made of very small creatures was moving with one purpose. The shadow reached a flat rock that offered a magnificent view of the fields and wood below, and there the army came out from among the roots. It was made up of very small blue men, some wearing pointy blue caps but most of them with their red hair uncovered. They carried swords. None of them was more than six inches high. They lined up and looked down into the new place and then, weapons waving, raised a battle cry. It would have been more impressive if they'd all agreed on one before, but as it was it sounded as though every single small warrior had a battle cry of his very own and would fight anyone who tried to take it away from him. "Nac mac Feegle!" "Ach, stickit yer trakkans!" "Gie you sich a kickin'!" "Bigjobs!" "Dere c'n onlie be whin t'ousand!" "Nac mac Feegle wha hae!" "Wha hae yersel, ya boggin!" The little cup of valleys, glowing in the last shreds of evening sunlight, was the kingdom of Lancre. From its highest points, people said, you could see all the way to the rim of the world. It was also said, although not by the people who lived in Lancre, that below the rim, where the seas thundered continuously over the edge, their home went through space on the back of four huge elephants that in turn stood on the shell of a turtle that was as big as the world. The people of Lancre had heard of this. They thought it sounded about right. The world was obviously flat, although in Lancre itself the only truly flat places were tables and the top of some people's heads, and certainly turtles could shift a fair load. Elephants, by all accounts, were pretty strong too. There didn't seem any major gaps in the thesis, so Lancrastrians left it at that. It wasn't that they didn't take an interest in the world around them. On the contrary, they had a deep, personal and passionate involvement in it, but instead of asking "why are we here?" they asked "is it going to rain before the harvest?" A philosopher might have deplored this lack of mental ambition, but only if he was really certain about where his next meal was coming from. In fact Lancre's position and climate bred a hard-headed and straightforward people who often excelled in the world down below. It had supplied the plains with many of their greatest wizards and witches and, once again, the philosopher might have marveled that such a four-square people could give the world so many successful magical practitioners, being quite unaware that only those with their feet on rock can build castles in the air. And so the sons and daughters of Lancre went off into the world, carved out careers, climbed the various ladders of achievement, and always remembered to send money home. Apart from noting the return addresses on the envelope, those who stayed didn't think much about the world outside. The world outside thought about them, though. The big flat-topped rock was deserted now, but on the moor below, the heather trembled in a V-shape heading toward the lowlands. "Gin's a haddie!" "Nac mac Feegle!" There are many kinds of vampires. Indeed, it is said that there are as many kinds of vampires as there are types of disease.* And they're not just human (if vampires are human). All along the Ramtops may be found the belief that any apparently innocent tool, be it hammer or saw, will seek blood if left unused for more than three years. In Ghat they believe in vampire watermelons, although folklore is silent about what they believe about vampire watermelons. Possibly they suck back. Two things have traditionally puzzled vampire researchers. One is: why do vampires have so much power? Vampires're so easy to kill, they point out. There are dozens of ways to dispatch them, quite apart from the stake through the heart, which also works on normal people so if you have any stakes left over you don't have to waste them. Classically, they spent the day in some coffin somewhere, with no guard other than an elderly hunchback who doesn't look all that spry and should succumb to quite a small mob. Yet just one can keep a whole community in a state of sullen obedience . . . The other puzzle is: why are vampires always so stupid? As if wearing evening dress all day wasn't an undead giveaway, why do they choose to live in old castles which offer so much in the way of ways to defeat a vampire, like easily torn curtains and wall decorations that can readily be twisted into a religious symbol? Carpe Jugulum . Copyright © by Terry Pratchett. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold. Excerpted from Carpe Jugulum by Terry Pratchett All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.